For what it's worth...
"It is what it is, and it was what it was."
Emily grace.
18.
lesbian.
Twitter: Emohley
this is my last chance to show you all the love we share for each other, to show you how amazing we are together…this time im not just telling you, i have proof. things we both wrote throughout this year, pictures we took (i couldnt find them all, but most) and the thoughts and feelings we could never say out loud, but felt in our hearts. if you read all of these, and still feel nothing and it doesnt phase you then ill go. if you read everything here and still let me walk away, at least i know i tried. at least i made an effort to put some of that love back into your heart. to remind you of how happy you make me, how wonderful of a person you are. i tried, and im still trying. i have one foot out the door and you are doing nothing to stop me from leaving and im still trying. if anything that should tell you how much you mean to me. everyone in the world could tell me how i deserve better, how horrible you are, or how much you dont love me and want me gone. but deep in my heart, i know who you are, and its none of those things. stop worrying about what others think, stop being a coward when it comes to this relationship. you have given me no reason to trust you, and i still do, i still let my fears go and let you back into my heart. and if you read these things, you will see that i didnt do that when we first met, i was as tightly shut as anyone could ever be. but you showed me what true love feels like, what it feels like to be happy inside and out every day. you did that for me, and even you never want to speak to me again, or see me or ever want to be with me….i will always have that, ill look at our pictures and smile, and when i think of you, i will think about all of the things we shared and the unreplacable love that only you could give me. if you just want to be single and “not tied down” thats fine, just tell me. because you ignoring me is so much worse than you just telling me that this isnt what you want. all i have ever asked you for is the truth. dont keep me hanging on if you know it wont ever go anywhere. i know you’re happy with where your life is at and the people you spend every day with. and that is perfectly fine, but dont keep me waiting for nothing. one last thing, i know you feel like you dont want to hurt me again, and you are anyway. well its because you wont just tell me anything, what you want or even how you feel. if your honest with me, you wont hurt me. and if you’re scared to try this relationship thing with me one last time because you are scared i will get hurt, thats bullshit, that a chance or stay a coward. you dont know what the future holds and neither do i, that used to scare me a lot, but since i met you, i have been looking forward to our future together…but now you are slowly crushing it. dont worry about hurting me, worry about making me happy, if thats what you want to do.
if you read all of this, thank you for listening. at least you listened. and thats all i could ever ask. if i dont hear form you, i know what you want me to do. but with that comes no connection to me, not on facebook, twitter, or tumblr. i will completely disappear from your life, if thats what you truely truely want.
no matter what our futures hold, i love you with all of my heart and soul from heart to toe.
love,
Emily Grace. <3
This is my reason for smiling, she’s the reason i believe in love. the reason i am who i am today. It didn’t take long for her to become my best friend, someone i can run to with the stupidest shit known to man, and she looks at me and tells me i’m cute. she’s the shoulder i cry on when i feel like i just can’t take it anymore. she’s the reason i have the courage to get out of bed and face the day, no matter what it may hold. She’s everything I could think of If i were too describe my ideal girl. She’s my hero, and with out her i’d be lost. <3
well if its quite all right…
yesterday I sat around with boo as she packed for her trip to see her besties. I’m sad but at the same time I’m happy that she get to get away from this god awful town! Today I went to see boo off before she went to the air port and this day started off shitty and then I had to tell boo bye for a whole 8 DAYS WTF BRO! I just don’t understand how this girl has such a grip on my heart. so many times i’ve caught my self almost saying three words that mean alot and i just want it to be the right time….ya know? and as far as asking her to be my girl friend..well we will just have to wait on that one and ill keep the update but i have something up my sleeve.
girl you got my heart….and you didnt even know it
ughhh sooo these days are going by sooooo painfully slow and i miss boo so much….ugh Saturday just hurry up k thank love Jordan. boo just so you know i miss you and everything about you. plz never go anywhere because i needs you!
4 more days…
…ssooooo
boo just said she loved me the way i was…and i herd her say it :). but i acted like i didnt just to see if she would say it again.
all in all
sooo, its day 3 of not seeing emily and its driving me crazy. i miss her soo much and its really just now hitting me how much she reallys means to me. its like hitting a brick wall. all i want to do is go pick her up and have her be able to come watch a movie with mitch and cassandra and i. how i feel is not explainable. im just scared to let my self feel for her like i should because ive been hurt so bad before and to be honest im more scared im gonna ruin her more than she will me. and im not saying im trying to intintionaly hurt her. but im scared of so much more than that. im just tired of always being scared. and im tired of being tired. i just want her to know that im here and that im trying to protect her. i def dont wanna say im in love with her jusyt yet but i do wanna say that im very very very much in like with this beautiful girl who is crazy for me.
Day 2: Your current relationship.
Hmmm, my current relationship with my lovely sneaky lady of a girlfriend is pretty much…..amazing. i don’t know what all i could say because there is just SO much i wouldn’t know where to start. Maybe with her big blue eyes and how they just get me every time…or maybe with the way she talks to me like i am a human being, not like i am an idiot who is unable to comprehend a single thing that is coming out of her mouth. She’s not just any girl, she is MY girl, MY girlfriend, how much joy that brings me just to say that you will probably never know. This girl, she is my world, shes what keeps me going all day when i feel like i just want to give up. She’s the one i can turn to when i’m hurt and upset, when i’m crying and feel all alone, she’s who i can go to. she’s not replaceable by any means. there is just something there that draws me to her like a magnet. She is just simply, perfect and i love her for exactly who she is in every way.
SO guess who has an amazing sneaky lady for a girlfriend??? THATS RIGHT, THIS CHICK RIGHT HERE!!!
i get to maryland and FINALLY see my best friend! so that excited me! then i get on tumblr to find the sweetest thing ummmm EVER! This sneaky lady left me a surprise that i have been waiting to see since like 4 o’clock today. i feel like i’m on top of the world right now. this is going to be a VERY good spring break, it’s already starting off amazing.
i miss you babe, so so so much. xoxooo
Guess who met someone very truly amazing…thats right emily grace mohley did! haha i know its been awhile since i’ve been blogging…but i’m kinda really excited and felt the need to share. haha ANYWAY…I have discovered that there are people in this world where their voice just make you want to talk to them more and more. i know this may sound weird but there are people with voices soo sweet you never want to hang up the phone…and i have found one of those people. Even though i like being single i would like to find someone NOT creepy and who cares about me and i honestly think i’ve found that person.
EXAMPLES!!
number ONE!…I am usually a pretty angry and hostile person but since i have met ms. jordan i cant stop smiling!
number TWO!…she makes me laugh, i can truely be myself around her.
number THREE!…after being single for a year i think im finally ready to open up to someone and be well…vulnerable.
but i dont wanna get my hopes up so we’ll leave it at that. =D
